My prayer

Lord, please teach me to love my enermies.
Teach me to have more patience.
Teach me to be kind to others.
Teach me to look at others’ strength and not weakness.
Help me to not fall into the devil’s trap.
Help me to stand strong on your foundation and be a good testimony.
Please calm the storm in me. 
Show and guide me the way, and not be lost.
Be my light, that i don’t live in darkness.
Be with me, that i won’t be lonely.
Let me have the peace and happiness in me. 

A little alien

Back to school as a senior today.
Secondary 4.... No much changes except for the stress. Still gonna be like an alien to the others, a girl, a lonely girl who seats in a corner. No one bothers about my presence, no one ever knows if I'm missing or anything. I dreaded school, it was as bad as what I except. Can't wait for this year to end and graduate. I want to get out of this place.

JIAYOU!

EOY has come to an end, but not time to party yet.
I still have chinese o level this year.
And another year to go.
I’m just gonna give myself a short breather, and continue to workhard.
Being able to do the physics paper with a lil’ confidence was WOAH! This is my first time having this feelings and i am sure it is because God is helping me and also for working and mugging so hard for it. SATISFACTION!  

chop off?

I feel so bad keeping people around me worried.
I’m fine
Nerve conduction test was. haha!
the doctor vandalized my hand
The elbow one was quite painful.
I don't know what to do with my hand. Chopping off might be good. lol.

怀疑

我怀疑你对我的信任
表面上坚强的我，一点都不坚强
对你的嘴硬，是隐藏自己内心的方法
对，我使你感的失望，是因为自己感到绝望
你让我感到烦感是因为自己不知要如何面对你，弥补所有的过错
我表现得我不在乎，所以当成绩没理想中的好时，你已有心理准备
你一直认为我对你很坦白，但我从来没和你说过我内心中的呐喊
为的是不让你担心 

Shanghai immersion.

I just came back from ShangHai immersion trip. I managed to make some cheena friends, there were great, unlike those cheenas in Singapore. They were good host, we had great fun.

I fell sick as usual, but was glad that I was well taken care of. Also, I managed to email Samuel and Ashley. I felt a little sour, seeing how great they are together. I wished Samuel was mine. Sorry if I'm a little bitch here.

Okayyyy, back to the trip. It was fun and great learning experience but things didn't go that well either. I felt outcasted halfway through the trip. Friends didn't behave like my friends anymore. They seemed like they had plans behind me, outcasting me, ganging up to count me out. I cried during the trip, but I kept to myself. I should have known I'm forever alone, isn't it? Why am I still affected. I thought HCL is united, I thought everyone was everyone's friend. Well, I'm proven wrong. Time to learn how to survive alone, like how I am in my form class.

Term three is starting real soon. Well, I don't have the motivation to go school. I have no friends. School is like hell. Change of time table, I hate changes. I have to do well. That's all I know and I need to do well and be promoted.

要给对方看，我能过得很好.

Flunked.

HAAH. Time to laugh at myself. HAAH.
I lost interest in my studies. I have two bloody irritating form teachers. I have assholes, bastards and stupid teachers. You know what I did to my mid-year exams? I FLUNKED. I failed everything except math and chinese. This is the first time my mum was called to go to school for PTM. Well done, JiaEn. Be this way, continue to be this way.

I have no interest, no motivation. Oh God, how do I keep going? All the teachers look down on me. I have no friends in class, I'm probably their best joke everyday. My sister thinks I'm stupid. Everybody thinks I am. I don't know how to face myself as well. There's nothing that is keeping me going. What can I do? What am I suppose to do?

My mother weeped. I believe she's very disappointed in me. She told me she doesn't what can she do anymore. She's feeling so helpless and all I could have told her was I don't know. I really don't know. I don't see the point in living anymore. Silence is the loudest cry, but no one ever hears it.