We talked.

Samuel finally came to talk to me. Like yay. Sad thing is, I thought I could pull him to Chin Lein for this year's youth arise conference with him. Brings back memories eh, the place where we met each other through the awkward situation. Well. I miss him. He said he is going to Taiwan and he wished me merry christmas and happy new year in advance. How to be merry and happy when he isn't around, I thought. I kept the thought to myself, and asked him to have fun. Well... How fake can I be. I wanted to ask him if I can tag along. Haah. Dream on....

Post-exams?

I guess everyone is enjoying themselves because we're done with our O levels. I'm an exception. I'm lonely, I'm feeling empty, I have no one to talk to or go out with. Then again, I'm missing Samuel. When is he going to talk to me again? I remembered how we sneaked talking to each other the whole night and forgot about sleeping. I remembered the romantic skype time when he played the guitar and sang for me. He isn't mine, but why I am still expecting all these from him? I must be insane.

Back to the point, o levels. Well, I am not enjoying. I'm having this conflict, internal conflict. Preparing for the papers is a chore, doing the papers is stressful, getting the results is worse than anything else. I'm actually worrying about things that will happen 2-3 months later. I am totally insane.

Doomz.

O levels starting soon. The amount of pressure I get from people around me and myself is killing me. I'm suffocating, it's so hard to breathe. I want to give up but it's not a wise choice. Killmenao.

压力

自己在面对很大的压力
喘不过气
看到饭，我吃不下
听到笑话，我笑不出 
带着沉重的脚步
无法相信明天就是英文考试了
在与时间赛跑
心理沉重
很烦
很无奈
自己很想要发疯似的
对自己毫无信心
周围的人对我带着期望，也是我有更大的压力，为了使不要令他们失望
自己不敢要求太多，才不会太失望
害怕的感觉 

我需要的是那一点点的鼓励，勉励，支持，信心，坚强 

My prayer

Lord, please teach me to love my enermies.
Teach me to have more patience.
Teach me to be kind to others.
Teach me to look at others’ strength and not weakness.
Help me to not fall into the devil’s trap.
Help me to stand strong on your foundation and be a good testimony.
Please calm the storm in me. 
Show and guide me the way, and not be lost.
Be my light, that i don’t live in darkness.
Be with me, that i won’t be lonely.
Let me have the peace and happiness in me. 

A little alien

Back to school as a senior today.
Secondary 4.... No much changes except for the stress. Still gonna be like an alien to the others, a girl, a lonely girl who seats in a corner. No one bothers about my presence, no one ever knows if I'm missing or anything. I dreaded school, it was as bad as what I except. Can't wait for this year to end and graduate. I want to get out of this place.