JIAYOU!

EOY has come to an end, but not time to party yet.
I still have chinese o level this year.
And another year to go.
I’m just gonna give myself a short breather, and continue to workhard.
Being able to do the physics paper with a lil’ confidence was WOAH! This is my first time having this feelings and i am sure it is because God is helping me and also for working and mugging so hard for it. SATISFACTION!  

chop off?

I feel so bad keeping people around me worried.
I’m fine
Nerve conduction test was. haha!
the doctor vandalized my hand
The elbow one was quite painful.
I don't know what to do with my hand. Chopping off might be good. lol.

怀疑

我怀疑你对我的信任
表面上坚强的我，一点都不坚强
对你的嘴硬，是隐藏自己内心的方法
对，我使你感的失望，是因为自己感到绝望
你让我感到烦感是因为自己不知要如何面对你，弥补所有的过错
我表现得我不在乎，所以当成绩没理想中的好时，你已有心理准备
你一直认为我对你很坦白，但我从来没和你说过我内心中的呐喊
为的是不让你担心 

Shanghai immersion.

I just came back from ShangHai immersion trip. I managed to make some cheena friends, there were great, unlike those cheenas in Singapore. They were good host, we had great fun.

I fell sick as usual, but was glad that I was well taken care of. Also, I managed to email Samuel and Ashley. I felt a little sour, seeing how great they are together. I wished Samuel was mine. Sorry if I'm a little bitch here.

Okayyyy, back to the trip. It was fun and great learning experience but things didn't go that well either. I felt outcasted halfway through the trip. Friends didn't behave like my friends anymore. They seemed like they had plans behind me, outcasting me, ganging up to count me out. I cried during the trip, but I kept to myself. I should have known I'm forever alone, isn't it? Why am I still affected. I thought HCL is united, I thought everyone was everyone's friend. Well, I'm proven wrong. Time to learn how to survive alone, like how I am in my form class.

Term three is starting real soon. Well, I don't have the motivation to go school. I have no friends. School is like hell. Change of time table, I hate changes. I have to do well. That's all I know and I need to do well and be promoted.

要给对方看，我能过得很好.

Flunked.

HAAH. Time to laugh at myself. HAAH.
I lost interest in my studies. I have two bloody irritating form teachers. I have assholes, bastards and stupid teachers. You know what I did to my mid-year exams? I FLUNKED. I failed everything except math and chinese. This is the first time my mum was called to go to school for PTM. Well done, JiaEn. Be this way, continue to be this way.

I have no interest, no motivation. Oh God, how do I keep going? All the teachers look down on me. I have no friends in class, I'm probably their best joke everyday. My sister thinks I'm stupid. Everybody thinks I am. I don't know how to face myself as well. There's nothing that is keeping me going. What can I do? What am I suppose to do?

My mother weeped. I believe she's very disappointed in me. She told me she doesn't what can she do anymore. She's feeling so helpless and all I could have told her was I don't know. I really don't know. I don't see the point in living anymore. Silence is the loudest cry, but no one ever hears it.

Broken Hearted.

Sigh. Know what? Samuel just told me that he got attached. I don't know what I'm feeling, but it felt so hard to smile and congratulate him from my heart. I've never asked myself and get my feelings sorted out. I feel so sour knowing that he got attached. Do I love him? Has he taken the place in my heart? Well.. I have no courage to face it and find out the answer...

I have never expected him to get attached. I wished I was the girl he is dating. I can't help but to cry to myself every night after he told me. I can't get back on track, I feel so hopeless. Maybe... maybe... I'm just unlovable. Ahh well. This is the hardest wish, but I really hope he will be happy and blissful.

Bullied.

Just the end of the first school term, I'm wishing I'm graduating. I just came back from L.I.A camp. It was a torture. I had fever up to 38.9 degrees, which can be a not too bad things because I manage to escape from those scary evil physical trainings during the camp. But know what? More troubles after the camp.

Karina and Eugenia got sort of jealous because I got into the interview for excos. They started cursing all over facebook and explaining logic to them doesn't seem to work. Ah well, that's the reasons why I have minimal female friends. It hurts tho. It hurts to know that I've no friends. They are like the two 'head' of the class and I know things will turn out badly when I return to class. They are using hurtful words and just what have I done wrongly?

Hi, I'm forever alone.

Taking a lil' risk

Sek asked to patch back today. I took a little risk and accepted. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, frankly. I don't even know why I accepted, all I know is I need someone who can hug me and be there for me.

Maybe, I should be truthful to myself. I know right inside my heart, I have someone else inside. He seems to be avoiding me. He talks to me once in a while, I tried so hard to keep the conversation going, but he seems to have no interest. I'm afraid he might find me irritating. It seems almost impossible for us. It's hurting so badly to know that it's almost mission impossible.

I'm praying so hard Sek can help me to forget and ease the pain. Am i being a bitch over here?

Annoyed

Just my luck. what an irritating form teacher I have. I was on MC yesterday and my last MC before this was last week. What can I do with a screwed up body? I didn't produce an official Medical Certificate from the doctor because the last time I went to the doctor was just last week. It's so expensive to see a doctor and why can't I just eat the leftover medications? My mother did write a letter to acknowledge that I didn't skip school without any valid reasons. How ridiculous can this teacher get. Sigh. Still have at least 10 months to bear with him.

The new beginning.

Secondary three this year.
It started off with a weird, irritating form teacher and an anal co-form teacher. Idontknow. I feel nothing positive about this new academic year. The subject combi sucks, the class sucks. I have no idea what is keeping me going.

I wasn't looking forward to this year, but I have no choice. Now that it has started, I don't want it to end. Myehh. I'm just this weird. Oh look, I always have social issues with people at my age, and this is my last year having senior in Secondary school. I've been lonely in my own cohort, I foresee myself alone for the next two years, I'll officially have no friends after this year.

Oh wait, it's just January and I'm worrying about things at the end of the year/next year.

//Kill me nao.

The Ugly World

Hmm.. I've decided to create this blog. The title itself explains. I'm rather negative and I don't know who to go to. I'm rather lonely, no one cares. I'll probably die in my own world, without anyone knowing. I guess no one will bother reading this blog, but it's just a place for me to rant and express myself. The little world of mine.