Anxiety

It's been the tough week. I'm fighting with myself and for myself. My hormones got me crazy. Anxiety issues. I almost killed myself.

Well. Monday was terrible. A terrible fight with my darling boy. Because we had miscommunications. I gave him shit loads of things because of my high-maintenance needs and I just couldn't overcome my own emotions. I felt so tire. I cried the hell out of me. I was so glad he communicated with me and came over. I cannot describe the feelings through word. It was the worst I've ever felt.

Ever since Monday, I haven't been doing well. I cried every single day. Feeling insecure and fearful. It was tough on my darling boy. He was by my side all these while, though not physically. He was assuring. He's so wonderful.

Menstruation came. With a bad cramp. My ovaries felt like they were exploding. Sigh. Thank God that presentation went well on Friday. We got full marks.

Sunday. Well. Pressurized. Pianist for Sunday school and the teacher forgot that she was leading the songs. She only gave me the songs like 1.40am. I couldn't practice at that timing. I went in by faith. Thank God it wasn't too bad. I then decided to crash the youth choir to see their progress. They were good for their standards but I thought I could help them a little to sound good, with my choir experience. I thought I was doing good but I made a mistake by doing so. I felt extra and I offended many because I'm not part of them and yet talk so much. Sigh. Just me being too sensitive or I really did wrong? I shouldn't be so helpful anymore.

It was also pressurizing with my darling's brother. He is so ego-centric and he doesn't understand lots of things. He just thinks that he's correct and Its so difficult to love him. I'm still struggling, trying and praying for this. He has comments in everything and he cannot be wrong. He flared up at his mother and his mother was saying that she thinks he has some disorder and stuff. I was explaining to her that I don't think it's a disorder and stuff, and he just assumes that we're talking bad about him. Well. He gave me a rude stare, I felt like slapping him but controlled. I guess no one else knew. It's just about sucking thumb when it comes to him. His mother shared that she cannt stand him and how pressurized she is because he cannot control his anger and stuff. Sigh.