Disappointed.

When can I learn to not carry hope in anyone but God? When will I learn how to not trust anyone? When will I stop taking their promises seriously?

Well... I'm disappointed in my father most. He only thinks for himself and when we disagree with him, he would say that we're all self-centered and don't put ourselves in his shoes. He's a father who never bothers buying gifts to reward, never bothers driving you anywhere unless you plead him many days before even though he has the taxi to himself. He's a father who has time to come out with all sort of excuses to sleep for hours and not go to work, but will never give the time to you. He's a father who doesn't keep up to his promises and act blur, telling you it's not within his ability. You can't do it, then you jolly well don't promise, no? What more its just an excuse.

This year has a few events which I was looking forward too. Yes, graduation. My sister and I are graduating this year and so, my parents promised a family trip to somewhere. Then my dad'd fellowship is planning to go hai nan dao this June which I most probably can't due to school. He started saying oh that bloody brainless Lao Shi is planning to go Vietnam for mission, he's planning to go for breakthrough's family camp this year end. Just because that bloody Lao Shi plans, he just follow blindly. Then what? What about his family? Us? Me? His promise? Our family trip? Yes, I agree that my family financial status will not allow us to go so many places in a year. Then why can't he give up one of those things that Lao Shi planned. He's just so inflexible. He follows blindly and the best thing is Lao shi's plan is always sucky.

Oh yes. Bye to the family trip. I'll just die here, stressed up without any breaks. They just won't allow me to go to any short trips like even Bangkok because he doesn't want to go and I am not allowed to go alone while my sister can get tickets to anywhere, as long as she likes it, she can go anywhere on her own.

All my daddy/parents care is my sister and playing the bloody iPad jackpot game. How vexing it is to be out with them and all they talk about is my sister? Just because I put in the effort to find time for them, I can be neglected. Or is it because I'm never good enough as compared to my sister, I can't make them as proud in terms of results?

I'm really tired in this house. I put up a strong front which leads to this? No one sees my world, what's true in my heart and what I always yearn for.