Failure.

O levels results are going to be released on Thursday. Just two days from now. Why am I so scared? I'm feeling worse than how I felt during my O levels year.

Yep. I'm a failure because I didn't meet the MOE expectations, I have to retake my English. Last year, I was crying over the release of results and this year, I'm crying over the same thing. This year, I'm crying even louder inside.

Why? Then again, I asked why. Why am I made to take this exam, and face the results, having the fact that I'm dumb to be smacked into my face, directly. Why do i have to let the others define me by my results when it doesn't show anything about me? I have no confidence in my results, tell me how. Just because the people who sets the education expectations are the ones with PHD and they expects everyone to be as good as them. How unfair. Can they feel my pain? Can they?

Now, I am lost. I don't know how to face myself, my family, Sam, everyone. I don't want to go anywhere, including church. I want to hide in my own shell, my own comfort zone. I don't even want to face myself anymore.